(Perspective:Lilith)
As has been the theme lately, the art of growth through self-discipline is strongly continuing it's pursuit of great change within my life.
It is human tendency to experience strong aversion to change and grope for the familiar, even if change is a positive, for the familiar creates a convincing illusion of security.
However, the familiar more often than not implies stagnation, which is the exact opposite of what I need.
With this being so, I've spent a lot of time delving into the depths of my being, exploring the labyrinthine corridors of my soul, and coming to a myriad of resolutions.
Within Polyamory, communication is the key to happiness, which includes internal as well as external dialogue, complete honesty within and without, and a constant reassessment of needs.
As I'm once again returning to myself, I'm becoming more able to acknowledge who I am, who I'm not, what I'm capable of, what I'm not capable of, where I am, where I want to be, and the journey necessary to reach my internal and external goals.
Being okay with this brought me to another realization.
The beautiful aspect about Polyamory, is that you no longer need to feel pressured into being everything for one person, because as individuals we can only provide so much for ourselves and others until we begin to spread ourselves too thin, which results in an extremely unhealthy situation of inadvertently neglecting everything.
While Xenith and I have an astounding amount of similarities, we have a few very strong differences
Instead of feeling threatened by the possibility that someone can fill certain needs of Xenith that I cannot, I'm beginning to feel relieved and even happy that this is a tangible reality for Xenith and I.
I am currently spread too thin within our agreed upon dynamic concerning our Polyamorous relationship, which is only opening ourselves to romantic and sexual prospects together, not separately.
At this point in my life, I am deeply focused on internal spiritual growth, thus presenting a situation in which I find myself particularly picky about who I open myself to romantically and sexually, which isn't fair to Xenith because at this point in his life, he is deeply focused on sharing himself with other people.
Considering that I selflessly love him, I do not feel right about holding him back from happiness in any way, shape, and/or form.
We have talked and while we both acknowledge this new change within our dynamic is a bit frightening at the moment, it speaks of growth, trust, happiness, and a deepening of our bond together.
To be honest, I'm actually quite excited to see where this new avenue in life will take us!
