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Friday, July 9, 2010

A Monologue to Myself.

(Perspective: Xenith)

Monogamy

Think on that word for an instant. “Monogamy”. Say it aloud to yourself and really let the sounds roll off your tongue. Rather, let those sounds gimp and crawl out of your mouth with all the effort it requires.

Monogamy

Doesn't the word 'mundane' seem to create its own life out of that very word? To me, the sound alone 'monogamy' reminds me of a similar word I have great aversions to. Monotony. A constant state of same-ness that is as consistently constant as the root word it is derived from. ‘Mono’ in my opinion is the perfect root to a word with such as liner and dull meaning. Let's take for instance monodrama, which is a play with one actor. Being a big fan of the dramatic and theatrical world, I don't think even I could come to appreciate a play with a single player. How about monochrome? This seems to have a little more spunk than the previous words, but at second glance it is after all made up of a single color. You don't even need to say 'monogamy' with a limp monotone, because even if stated with vigor 'monogamy' remains rather lifeless. It is no shock that a few lesser known words also ring true to the nature of monogamy. Monody, having the somber meaning of a funeral lament sung by one voice. I can't help but poke a stick at that one. Even more appropriately, monoblepsia is a condition in which vision is normal when using only one eye.

Though I speak of monogamy in jest, please do not twist my intentions. Polyamory, though a more colorful and three dimensional word and meaning, is not perfect or Utopian by any stretch of the imagination. It is complex, unpredictable, often misunderstood and difficult to maintain. In essence it is the exact opposite of the 'Mono" counterpart. Though I discovered a dull and predictable love-life was not for me all the way back in High School, I am still to this day taken by surprise from insecurities and fears I never knew I could feel. I fear my wife is more sexually attracted to her current interest, because when her and I were forming a relationship sex was not a frequent topic of discussion or focus. Then I remind myself that I care not to compare myself with other people, because we are too diverse to be lumped into pretty little categories. As reassuring as this fact is, I still can't help but feel a little sting here and there. In truth, that is completely normal and rather healthy. She is someone to be desired and honored, and to feel proud of knowing. She is worth holding onto, and spending an entire life with. When I distill that fear I realize it comes from being afraid of not being able to preserve her in my life, where she brings me much joy. To focus on this distillation it becomes clear that encouraging her to be happy and helping to facilitate that joy in her life, enhances and insures that she will stay in my life. Who else would love her and care for her happiness that much?

I truly am lucky to feel these fears, and know that they will not stop me from encouraging her to move forward.

She is safe in my arms after all.

Mundane is far from what can be said of our lives, because we live it with enthusiasm and wonder. It is never monotonous, as our interests and experiences shift according to our varying surroundings, landscapes, and the diverse peer we keep. There are no Monodramas in our lives as there are many vibrant performers at every turn, no matter how dramatic balancing all these personalities can be at times. Our memories and activities are captured in a plethora of colors, while others seek shelter in monochrome. Our communication style is detailed, rich, fluid and even vulgar at times, leaving nothing to hide. Surely even our funeral will buzz with life, because all our loved ones will be in comfort with others in our close intimate extended family. I hope it will be our children that will turn on the music and be the ones to dance first.

I feel we have both of our eyes open wide,
but it is our hearts that truly gets the best view.

There are countless books on fear and jealousy pertaining to non-monogamy, and frankly I am not going to bore you with that rhetoric. I would rather share with you a few other related words to the 'mono' root that scare me the most. Monopoly, a check-mate of sorts where growth is viewed as infinite, yet resources to stabilize the ©orporation crumble underfoot. As self-defeating as a Monarchy, ruled by a single human as flawed as you and I. Blindly dictating the lives and well-being of others as if they were property. I refuse to take part in any unstable stock and bond trading, built on a foundation of oppression, plastic smiles and hollow pleasantries. I love my wife so much, that I would prefer her to put me in my place when I am being a complete fool, and work with the others we love to create a better world together.

Remember my friends that simple things are rarely worth doing,
and nothing truly worth doing is simple.

Compersion

(Perspective: Lilith)

It is a strange yet wonderful feeling to experience romantic emotions for multiple individuals at once. Stranger still is the comforting knowledge that not only does my husband accept these feelings, but he also supports and encourages them with consent.

As I write this, he is chatting via instant message with a woman he has an interest in from a dating website with both have accounts on.

Surprise, surprise, I too support this bizarre phenomena with zealous! What could this be?

Compersion, of course!

When I first discovered Polyamory, I was convinced that compersion was a mythical emotion only mentioned in educational books for the sole purpose of converting those who choose to live a monogamous lifestyle.

However, I am very proud to announce that compersion is no mythological emotion. In fact, it is rather an extremely common occurrence in my day-to-day life. When I reminisce about my first explorations into the uncharted lands of alternative relationship dynamics, I almost laugh at how intimidated I felt. My apprehension was clearly rooted in fear of the unknown.

Ironically, my memories of monogamy have been infinitely more painful than my experiences with my new lifestyle (thus far).

In this moment, I wish to profess my gratefulness to my amazing husband and all the wonderful people who have graced our lives.