Time-Crunching

(Perspective: XenitH)

So, it has been a while since a clear update on the happenings of the last few months. Needless to say this is due to the massive things taking place in our lives recently. I will do my best to keep this short and sweet, while still including enough details to show the insanity that is our life at this point.

We have officially run into the major difficulty of non-monogamy, and that is a lack of time in each day, and number of days in a week. Jealousy is no longer a real issue in our relationship at all, and ironically enough I am still having a hard time getting used to that and just going forth when I get the “green light” from my wife.

Yes I did say my wife, as I am unsure if we have updated our readers to the fact that we are now married. Being strong opponents of marriage individually, for some odd reason we have been entertaining the idea for a long time. As I am sure you would all agree, our marriage is far from the usual, thus we feel more secure this will last a lifetime.

For clarity sake, I am going to use a lot of names but once again we have changed them all for privacy sake. Hold onto your hats. You are in for a bumpy ride!

Lilith has been quite busy as of late. Due to her stunning good looks, charm, huge heart, and intimidating intellect there are a few notable and well respected males that have taken huge interest in her. Though we went into this with the agreement to date together, we have dropped that wall down as we feel we no longer need it for a sense of security. Through the dating site OKCupid, I met an older woman named Dawn, whom had my interest very strongly for a few months. She is married to a gentleman near her age, Tom. The have a beautiful daughter whom is full of life and vitality. They are a stable and loving couple (conscious, vegetarian and geeky at that), and I was very excited to finally meet her in person after getting to know her a bit and crushing for a few months. Due to the nearly two hours drive-time between us, it took a while to pick a night we could all get together.

When we met, ironically all four of us really hit it off, Lilith connecting with Tom and myself with Dawn. Everything seemed fantastic for a while, until a few dates later. Due to clashing personality traits, Dawn and I did not work out at all, but Lilith and Tom got very serious very quickly. They are a fantastic match, being conscientious vegetarians and nature lovers. They stimulate each other intellectually as well, which is essential for Lilith. He treats her very kindly, and much to their dismay I have dubbed him with the nickname of “Prince”. They are now officially girlfriend and boyfriend, and I am very happy for them! There has been some drama lately due to the fact that Dawn and I don’t get along very well, but that may be a post for another time.

We have been getting a lot of attention and respect from a local kink family in Phoenix, from which we are growing monumental amounts sexually and as individuals. These folks are sort of the best-of-the-best individuals active in the scene in Arizona. That is if you respect a large but highly exclusive group of very kinky and often stunningly attractive people. Nick is the founder of this group, and one of the main organizers for Arizona’s huge kink-events, Fetish Heat/Revolutions which takes place 3-6 times a year. Speaking of Nick, being the dominant alpha male of the group and having great aesthetic taste, he has been chasing Lilith for a while now. She was considering taking formal training from him to sharpen her Dominant skills, but this may not come to light. She is still getting herself established in the group as a Dominant woman, but a lot of the Dominant males in the group mistake her for a submissive, and treat her accordingly. It is endlessly frustrating to her, but also a good opportunity for growth. They have been sexual a little bit, but are not very compatible in that department. We have been spending a lot of time on the weekends with this wonderful tight-knit group, and made a lot of great friends and potential partners thanks to Nick.

Through this group another Dominant alpha-male has been expressing keen interest in Lilith. Bobby is very kind, and highly active as of recently in the scene. He and his girlfriend started a news website of sorts for the kink community. It is a fantastic resource for others that wish to learn more about what is going on in Arizona, as well as a resource for helpful “How To”s. He and his girlfriend Jennie have worked with Lilith and me for a few projects so far, and we are excited for the next major fetish event when we can share a hotel room together for the after-party. They do a lot of fire-play, and we have had the pleasure of experiencing it with them a few times. Lilith and he get along great, and they have been teaching us a lot about how to better establish ourselves. Jennie and I have also hit it off a bit, and I will discuss this more a little later.

Yet another dominant male expressing interest! Like the others, Sam has great taste in woman, and has several pets and submissive women under him. He also has his own great circle of kinky folks in the Valley. He is very intelligent, ambitious, and more conscious then most all the other folks in the group. Needless to say Lilith and he are getting along very well. Just a few nights ago we spent another night with him and some of his pets and had a great time. Lilith and he have also connected sexually a little, but we are being cautious as there is some tension between him and his subs, and him and some of the other Doms in our group.

This is where I clarify that we are not promiscuous. Sure, we do cuddle with, kiss, and even do some fun touching and kink activities with these and other individuals. Though we are very picky and take our time to connect with others physically, and word is finally getting around that we do not put-out. We are polyamorous, thus we value most compatibility and emotional connections, much more then strictly hedonistic acts. How we have established our consent system is different then most couples, as though she is my Dominant and me her sub, we both have equal say in anything involving other people. This is another confusing point for this group, as most of them are swingers or Poly Sexual, and have more traditional styles of consent within the BDSM community (Dom does what they want within reason, sub needs to ask for permission for everything).

As you can see, Lilith is having fantastic luck with her partners/potentials and it is very exciting. I find myself feeling compersion for her all the time, and it is really bringing us closer. I trust every one of these individuals very much so, and take comfort in her having other people around that will take care of her and watch out for her. We have a wonderful safety net surrounding us anytime we go out, and it is wonderful to mingle freely, even separately and know all is well. No one has pushed our boundaries once they understand them, and we have always been safe. Lilith is learning how healing healthy sexual activities and relationships truly can be, and her strength shows clearly.

I on the other hand, have had a bumpy road. As alluded, Dawn and I did not work out at all, much to all of our surprise. It hurt a bit, but considering how Lilith and her husband’s relationship is forming, we need to get on level ground at least. A task that is not easy I can tell you! Word of advice to all, do your BEST to make sure all parties get along wonderfully before feelings start getting serious. Otherwise you may find yourself experiencing a lot of the crap we are going through presently.

Jennie (Bobby’s girlfriend) is a very lovely nerdy chick, and she is a fantastic cuddle-buddy! I have spent a lot of time with her, and my feelings are growing for her. I am not super sexually attracted to her, but that doesn’t hold me back too much. She is not exactly the type of woman I am looking for presently, but the great thing about Polyamory is you don’t have to find EVERYTHING you want in a single person. Manage your time right, and you can get everything you ever wanted and more, a little from each person. She is very engaging and fun to be around, and I love being close to her. Lately she and Bobby have made some changes in their dynamic, so there are a few bumps on that end. It doesn’t look like it will be too detrimental though, so all is well for the most part.

Another couple in the group we are involved in has expressed interest in us as well. The male has not been very successful in courting either of us (yes, he is working on both of us), but I have done a few fun scenes with his girlfriend Krista. Yet again she is not exactly what I am looking for, but she has a very intoxicating sexual energy about her. Ironically she is a devout Christian, and goes to church every Sunday to confess her sins… I kid you not. I don’t feel too bad, as for the most part it is her and him that are aggressively pursuing me/us to play. I have had a few hot and steamy situations with her, which I find very delightful. We are very kissy and have a lot of fun together, and I find myself being more Dominant around her. She is just so much fun to torture! It helps me work past my high standards physically to fell sexually attracted to someone I never thought I would.

This has helped me connected with another wonderful woman as well. Six is a very sexy and intriguing woman whom is highly talented and creative. She has recently been organizing kink events her self, which I find to be amazing. She is a master in many crafts, such as needle play and scalpel work. Two interests Lilith and I are developing more of an interest in thanks to her. She also works graveyard, is very affectionate/cuddly, and has a lot of depth. We have many similar views, and she is vegetarian similar to us (we are vegan, not sure if this has been mentioned yet). Though it has been briefly each time, she and I have shared a few intense moments. Again she is not my ideal body-type, but she has so much more going for her that I look right past it. I am a sucker for cuddles, what can I say? We are highly compatible. I do hope this connection we share continues to grow!

Carol is a long-standing submissive swinging woman that is part of the original group from almost a year ago. Her Dominant (now Master, as they recently had a collaring ceremony at the last party!) is a really fun guy as well. They have both been Swingers for a long time, and had sex with quite a few people in their days. This is a bit of a red-light for Lilith and I, as safety is very important to us. We have not discussed papers with them yet, but she has been working on me hard and heavy for a while now. Don’t get me wrong, there are things I find sexy about her. Though she is much older and not what I am looking for physically. We are kiss/cuddle buddies, and we have had a sexy moment or two together. I feel really bad, because she has tried to have sex with me a few times but I haven’t had the chance to make things very clear to her that I have no intention of sleeping with her, and have not with anyone else besides my wife for that matter. (no, I was not a virgin before Lilith, but it has been years). I like being around her, but she is rather aggressive at times. Lately I find myself avoiding her a bit, and I am pretty sure she is pissed at me. I have to have a talk with her soon, as I value her friendship and the time we do share together. I just don’t want it to go any further.

Remember that Dominant alpha-male I mentioned earlier by the name of Sam? One of his main pets is Annie. Though young and still growing into her self, I find myself considerably attracted to her. She is more along the lines of what I am looking for physically, though not nearly as sexy as my stunning wife! Annie has an attractive energy, and catches me off-guard at times with her blooming intelligence. She is younger then Lilith and my own age agreement (She is 18 years old, where as we set the bar at 20), but she is a little bit of an exception to the rule. There is something unique her and I share. She is a switch and a big Brat as well, just like me! Sam is very strict with her, and has almost beaten the Brat out of her… I personally like brats! It is fun to switch up dynamics a bit here and there. We have cuddled, done a little kissing and touching and lots of flirting. That is it however for the most part. We are still just starting to get to know each other though, so we will see what happens.

I have saved my favorite for last… Sarah is by far the most attractive woman I have had the pleasure of spending time with recently (aside from Lilith of course). She is very intelligent and notably intellectual, a huge animal advocate, and very sweet. She is also HIGHLY considerate and selfless, which is a rare thing to find in the women I have known, as I am always the gentleman. No one besides my wife has ever treated me this good before, probably in my entire life. I have been relatively lucky in that department too… At any rate, we met her on-line after she wrote us a wonderful message on the dating site OKCupid a few months ago. She didn’t have pictures on her profile, but we were immediately taken aback by her messages and our exchanges. We were delighted when she did share pictures of herself! Oddly enough, she fit both of our tastes, which rarely if ever has happened with Lilith and I. We didn’t hear from her for a while after our initial exchanges, but recently I had the wondrous experience of spending around 20 hours with her. We had a fantastic time, and connect on a number of levels. We were both surprised how quickly we both warmed up to each other, and found ourselves cuddling together closely for a large portion of the time we spent together. I was invited to sleep in her bed with her, and though it was a little hard I behaved myself very well. Though my now full-blown cold was just starting to affect me and keep me awake, just holding her and being held by her while I watched her sleep was pure ecstasy! Here is the hook though, and it is a big freaking hook… She is gay. Like very very gay, and just started a monogamous relationship with a woman she is really into. I have a massive crush on a gay woman, and she just values my company and cuddles because her and her girlfriend know I am safe…. Grrrrr. I am doing my best not to get ahead of myself or find myself destroyed in the end, but I could almost swear I sense some sexual energy between us. She is realizing I am not a normal male (and don’t identify exactly as a male per-say), and her girlfriend and her are considering opening up their dynamic and exploring kink. I think there is a lot we may experience together, but it is torture! Did I mention I have a massive crush on her? I find myself thinking of her all the time! We have a wonderful relating style thus far. Though she fits a lot of my ideals physically and personality wise, because of the situation I don’t find myself pulsing with lust toward her. This is interesting as I have never experienced a lack of lust with someone I liked so much. The best way I can describe it is contentedness. I find myself in sheer and utter content! I can ride this wave for a while, but I must admit at not very good at surfing. Also just to confuse things further, she is sprung on Lilith, whom recently put a cap on partners, as she is stretching herself way too thin at this point. I am not sure if anything will develop between them, and Sarah has already admitted she lost a great opportunity by being indecisive and intimidated by us. It’s a big bummer, because I KNOW they would really fall for each other, possibly into a deep and intense love. That would make me very happy, even if we just remain “Cuddle Monsters”.

*Sigh*